Mary Claire's Ponderings

I have mixed feelings about the upcoming trip to Ecuador. Hearing about everyone’s experience from last year has put things in perspective. From all of the stories and memories brought up by last year’s group, it seems as though Ecuador is a totally different world. A month or two ago, I was not nervous about the trip. Now, as I am sitting with all of my windows open and the sun shining at 85 degrees, I know that time is ticking and that the last week of July will be arriving shortly. This makes me worry, but in a good way. I wonder if the people will see me as a burden, rather than a blessing. I wonder how I will be able to deal with everything that Ecuador has that America does not and vice versa. However, being the perfectionist that I am, I am afraid that I will not be able to sufficiently help everyone who will be put into my care. What if I accidently say something in Spanish that offends them? What if I hurt them and tear their bandages when I help them try on new shoes?

Despite all of these reservations, I am genuinely excited about the trip. I know that it will be an incredible new experience. From the meetings that have taken place, I feel more prepared to go to Ecuador than I felt a few months ago. I think above all, I am curious. I wonder about what my life will be like after I return from Ecuador. I wonder if I will be fully immersed in the culture of Ecuador, and whether or not I will be overwhelmed. I am excited to meet the people who live at Damien House, and I am curious to know their stories and experiences.

Sometimes when I am worried, or when I am just in the mood, I will get my Bible, close my eyes, flip it open to a random page, and point my finger on a page. I felt that it was fitting that when I did so today, I landed upon this, as it reflects how I will trust in God when I am uncertain:

Psalm 25

In you, Lord my God,
    I put my trust.

I trust in you;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one who hopes in you
    will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
    who are treacherous without cause.

Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.

Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
    for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth
    and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
    for you, Lord, are good.